Nope nope nope.
Hello, my name is Ferial and I am a recovering people-pleaser.
The requests pour in--the emails, phone calls, text and Facebook messages. And I always want to say yes. Always. I want to be the girl you can count on. I want to be the friend who always keeps giving. I want to host every party, come up with every great idea (and put it into motion RIGHT NOW), and listen to everyone’s problems.
I want to. So much. So I say yes. I always find myself looking at my Google Calendar, searching desperately for a free space. Adding in an event or a task, squeezing in the next thing. And then, in the midst of a crazy, jam-packed week, I look at my Calendar and wonder how did I get here? I am burnt-out, spread thin, hangry, emotionally spent, and fighting with my husband. My body, mind, and soul are not well taken care of because I have not spent the time it takes to care for myself.
How can so much good turn out so badly? The things I want to say yes to are good things. The ideas that I have are good ideas (I think). The events I want to host are good events. The people I want to hang out with are good people! But I am slowly learning the difficult lesson that I must cultivate the discipline of saying NO. No, because I cannot do all the things. No, because doing things does not get me more love. No, because I need help and cannot do things alone. No, because self-care is important.
I remind myself:
This will not make me feel loved, so if that’s why I’m saying yes, that’s not a good reason.
The love I want will not be found here, and what I will feel in its place is resentment and anger.
I’m committed to a particular, limited amount of things in this season, and if what’s being asked of me isn’t one of those, then it stands in the way. That’s why knowing your purpose and priorities for a given season is so valuable— because those commitments become the litmus test for all the decisions you face.
So, even when it is hard, I will (try my best to) say no. And then, when I can say YES, it will be a happier, more rested, more-whole Ferial who is present.
My name is Ferial, and I am a recovering people-pleaser (please don’t hate me when I tell you no).