Around this time, in August 2008, I was crying.
We had quit our jobs, sold or given away most of our stuff, moved in with my parents for a month, and we were just a few days away from moving across the world--far from cultural familiarity, family, and friends--to South Korea to take jobs that we didn't know how to do.
I woke up in the middle of the night, weeping.
I felt so scared, so not ready, so overwhelmed, so emotional, so inadequate, so insecure.
I didn't want to leave my family and friends, my home, my idea of happy.
I wept and wept, hot tears covering my pillow, until I couldn't breathe.
My brother and my husband rushed in to comfort me,
but they couldn't take away the fear, the pain of being uprooted.
Anne said it best,
"'I've put out a lot of little roots these two years,' Anne told the moon,
'and when I'm pulled up they're going to hurt a great deal.'"
Little did I know then what God had in store for me.
As it turns out, it was way better than I could ever have dreamed.
And now, four years later, with a heart full of new framily members (framily = friends that are as close to you as family), a head full of new memories and experiences, and a hand full of new skills, I'm crying.
And I can't stop.
There's a big chunk of my heart that is SO excited to be returning 'home' to California.
I am overjoyed at the thoughts of seeing and doing life with family and friends again.
And, I'm not going to lie, I can't wait to go to Target and the Safeway produce section.
the other big chunk of my heart HURTS.
I feel so scared, so not ready, so overwhelmed, so emotional, so inadequate, so insecure.
I don't want to leave.
I don't want to leave my framily, I don't want to move across the world again, I don't want to make a transition, I don't want to feel culture shock in my own culture, I don't want to tear apart our little apartment, and I just don't want to
stop doing life as I know it.
That tear-stained night in August 2008 helps me believe that these tear-stained days of August 2012 will bring forth more of God's good plans for my life. And just as I didn't expect it then, it may be better that I could ever dream.
I have put down many roots these last four years,
and when I'm pulled up, it's going to hurt a great deal.