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Déjà vu

Around this time, in August 2008, I was crying. 

We had quit our jobs, sold or given away most of our stuff, moved in with my parents for a month, and we were just a few days away from moving across the world--far from cultural familiarity, family, and friends--to South Korea to take jobs that we didn't know how to do. 

I woke up in the middle of the night, weeping. 


I felt so scared, so not ready, so overwhelmed, so emotional, so inadequate, so insecure. 
I didn't want to leave my family and friends, my home, my idea of happy. 
I wept and wept, hot tears covering my pillow, until I couldn't breathe. 
My brother and my husband rushed in to comfort me, 
but they couldn't take away the fear, the pain of being uprooted. 

Anne said it best, 
"'I've put out a lot of little roots these two years,' Anne told the moon, 
'and when I'm pulled up they're going to hurt a great deal.'"


Little did I know then what God had in store for me. 
As it turns out, it was way better than I could ever have dreamed. 


And now, four years later, with a heart full of new framily members (framily = friends that are as close to you as family), a head full of new memories and experiences, and a hand full of new skills, I'm crying. 

And I can't stop. 

There's a big chunk of my heart that is SO excited to be returning 'home' to California. 
I am overjoyed at the thoughts of seeing and doing life with family and friends again. 
And, I'm not going to lie, I can't wait to go to Target and the Safeway produce section.

But...

the other big chunk of my heart HURTS. 
I feel so scared, so not ready, so overwhelmed, so emotional, so inadequate, so insecure.
I don't want to leave. 
I don't want to leave my framily, I don't want to move across the world again, I don't want to make a transition,  I don't want to feel culture shock in my own culture, I don't want to tear apart our little apartment, and I just don't want to 
stop doing life as I know it. 


That tear-stained night in August 2008 helps me believe that these tear-stained days of August 2012 will bring forth more of God's good plans for my life. And just as I didn't expect it then, it may be better that I could ever dream.

 And yet... 

I have put down many roots these last four years,  
and when I'm pulled up, it's going to hurt a great deal. 

Whirlwind Wedding Weekend

Soaking it up